The Trials of Confection
by Yva J
Summary: In this one shot, our favorite confectioner gets put on trial. A few surprising results ensue.


_Today, my husband and I were walking around and we got to talking about all the legal problems Willy Wonka might have encountered had his factory been in the real world. So, I came home and wrote this little one shot for fun, it's sort of the same idea as the film 'Miracle on 34th street' but with Willy instead of Santa Claus. It's not a big deal, just a little bit of randomness from here in a scene that might or might not later be expounded upon. I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that we could take a fantasy movie like 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' and try and figure out how many laws he was breaking if it was actually happening in the real world. Poor Willy._

_**Please don't take this too seriously**, we didn't, but thanks to Mr. Yva J. for the help with coming up with some of these charges, because it was really fun to flesh it all out._

_Let me know what you think._

_Edited: March 19, 2011, And since I can't respond to The QAS because messages are disabled...take a chill pill already, it's just satire that was written some 5 years ago. As I posted above, 'Please don't take this too seriously.' Sheesh...  
_

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**The Trials of Confection**

By: Yva J.

The prosecuting attorney dressed in his finest suit and tie stood and looked across the courtroom at the accused: One Mister Willy Wonka.

The curly headed chocolatier sat stoically in the witness stand and waited as the list of charges were reeled off. "You know my kids don't like me very much right now. I might as well be prosecuting Santa Claus, but the laws are the laws and Mr. Wonka is guilty on a number of counts."

Willy shrugged his shoulders as he looked across the room to his attorney, Mary Hudson. The thirty-eight year old lawyer was sitting and drumming her pencil impatiently against the surface of the mahogany colored desk. Her eyes darted from Willy to the judge, and then back to the prosecution.

This man's beady eyes stared accusingly at the confectioner as he continued to speak regarding the charges that had been filed against the famous chocolatier.

"First, we have the harboring of illegal immigrants," the man said. "Have you or have you not hired a bunch of green headed, orange faced men and women to run your factory, Mr. Wonka?"

Willy squirmed but looked at his lawyer, the silence filling the air. Usually the chocolatier was very witty and able to shoot off a question to match the tenacity of his opponent.

Today, he remained quiet.

He knew all about the history of the Oompa Loompas, their culture, as well as how they would have been eaten by wangdoodles, snozzwangers or hornswagglers if he had left them in Loompaland.

Now, he was in trouble because he had offered them a sanctuary.

Instead of allowing him to sink even further into his thoughts or contemplations, the prosecution continued.

"Did you manage to get their residential status figured into the deal before hiring them to work for you? If so, then you no doubt did it without the proper paperwork being filed. For each person in question, you would need to file a legal contract which stipulates the salary as well as health benefits for them. Did you, or did you not, do all of those things, Mr. Wonka, and remember you are under oath to tell the truth." The man asked in a demanding tone of voice.

"I took care of everything with the immigration department," Willy responded honestly as he looked at the judge. "Please, your honor, I did do everything I was supposed to with regards to the Oompa Loompas, and my life would end today if I even thought that I had not done enough for them. They are my family, you see."

"Perhaps they are, but did you give them the chance to join a union, or have their views heard by a worker's counsel?" The prosecution pressed.

"Yes, I did do all of that," Willy insisted. "I even filed the paperwork and had copies sent over to my lawyer. Mr. Prosecutor, I do know about running a business and I would never have become what you are implying."

"And just what might that might be, sir?" The man asked.

"A slave holder," Willy managed to speak, his words filled with disdain.

"Alright, then we won't press you further about the Oompa Loompas," the prosecuting attorney said impatiently. "What about that glass contraption that we have seen flying around the city?"

"The Wonkavator?" Willy asked.

"If that's what you call that thing, then yes," came the curt response. "Do you have the proper paperwork for that? Do you have a pilot's license for the use of this object in this city's airspace? Has it passed the safety regulations with the city or even been insured?"

"To answer your questions, yes, I have obtained permission from the city to use it, have insured myself as well as any passenger, and while I don't use it very often, I do have all the papers filed with the city with regards to it."

"Why don't you use it?" The prosecutor was curious.

"Glass windows for the ceiling are too expensive for me to replace and the last time we used it, several hours after returning, it started to rain," Willy said. "Charlie actually suggested that I get a collapsible ceiling for it, so that we can use it more often. Of course, I have yet to look into that, so we stopped using the Wonkavator until that gets taken care of."

"What sort of fuel does it run on?"

"The Wonkavator uses a special energy substance," Willy offered. "It's completely safe for the environment and it does not pollute the air. Of course, it runs on banana peels and outdated chocolate bars, if we happen to have any. Since my candy sells rather well, outdated chocolate is not something we have a plentiful supply of. Instead, we have opted to using things like used coffee grounds for it. This not only makes it an effective means of transportation, but it also makes it ecologically sound."

"Your honor, I submit the following forms from the city's motor vehicles division that will back up my client's claims about his glass invention," Mary spoke up. "I would also like to submit the code from the health inspector who took a flight in this elevator, and he has submitted a statement that all the charges regarding it are unfounded. Finally, the insurance claims adjustment for the Wonkavator is present, which goes to show that it has been properly insured. Finally, a copy of Mr. Wonka's operator's license is included in these files."

"Alright," the prosecuting attorney said. "How about all that junk that he has in his Inventing Room. That stuff should be checked over by the food and drug administration to make sure that it can be used for the proper and legal creation of food-stuffs."

Willy's face went a shade whiter as he stood up and turned to the man. "Are you a spy?" He demanded. "Did you see inside my Inventing Room?"

"Yes, I did, about twenty years ago," the prosecutor said. "I was the one who ate the exploding candy."

"You're Mike Teavee," Willy whispered.

"Yes, and I take it you're surprised," the prosecution shouted out. "What did you expect? Me to be two inches tall and walking around in elevated shoes?"

"No," Willy said shaking his head as he looked at the judge. "This was one of the boys who came to the factory during the Golden Ticket tour and ended up getting shrunk down to the size of a bean in my Wonkavision Room. He decided himself to be sent by television, and that was a pretty big mess. We had to send him to the taffy pulling room to get him back to his normal size."

"You knew the accused?" The judge looked at Mike and this time watched as the prosecution's face went about as white as a sheet.

"I was a kid," Mike managed. "I watched the others get blown up to the size of a blueberry and fall down a garbage shoot."

"That is irrelevant, you cannot objectively prosecute anyone under these circumstances," the judge said as he looked down at Willy Wonka. "You may step down, Mr. Wonka."

The chocolatier did as the judge said, but as he walked past the jury box, he noticed that all of them were wearing small buttons that read 'chocoholic' on them. The jury had been stacked in his favor.

Mike grimaced as the tall man in the plumb coat and top hat walked by. "It would have worked if I hadn't have opened my big mouth," he grumbled.

Willy looked at him, a sly smirk abruptly crossing his face. "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams, Mr. Teavee." He then went over and shook hands with the woman who had been representing him.

The news reported the following day that Willy Wonka was freed on all charges. The jury members were reported to have overdosed on Wonka bars the night they were released from duty. According to some sources, now the chocolatier is planning to write a book about the experience. Speculations are being made as to the title.

And that, dear friends, is what happened when the legal system tried to take on Mr. Willy Wonka.


End file.
